I Read The Ice Planet Barbarians So You Don’t Have To (But Like, Maybe You Should)
Being completely honest, I was skeptical of all the alien and monster fucking books that came across my FYP from BookTok and Bookstagram. It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried — I really gave it a go, and it fell flat every time. I started rolling my eyes hard at the whole genre, assuming it just wasn’t for me and I couldn’t get into it.
Then, when Ice Planet Barbarians showed up on Kindle Unlimited, my best friend and I agreed to read them. She was headed on a trip and, when her plane landed messaged me: “Terrible. Do not read.” Welp, for some reason, that made me desperate to see for myself. So I read, and read it in one sitting. Then I read the second, and the third, and the fourth turned into the fourteenth, and now here we are.
I have never rated any of the books higher than a seven, and even that was only one of the books (Barbarian’s Heart). Most of them sit solidly in the 6 category, which is a passing grade, but barely. That’s right on the brink of when I’d recommend a book. A few dip into the 5’s, but generally books I enjoyed. That made me start to think about why. Obviously these books are extremely popular even though they’re redundant and somewhat poorly written, though several writers have made massive careers out of that exact reality (someone whose name rhymes with Micholas Marks rings a bell). Regardless, I’m usually less tolerant of that exact thing than I have been with these books. So, why have I devoured the Ice Planet Barbarians?
Acceptance. It all comes down to acceptance. I think the entire genre of monster and alien romances all boil down to this exact idea, that no matter what you look like or what obstacles stand in your way, love wins. But I think these particular books go even a step further. If you’re unfamiliar with our big blue boys in loincloths, there’s a thing called “resonance” in these books. Basically, they carry a symbiotic parasite in them that, when it picks a mate, starts to hum or purr, and it makes you mad horny for that one person. Or alien, as it happens.
The consistent thing about all these books is that hunky, blue dudes are straight up obsessed with their mates. Badass and prickly? He’s going to kidnap her and adore her. Cries all the time? Falls in love with her TWICE when he gets his memories knocked out of his head. Skinny? Chubby? White, black, Asian? Big boobs? No boobs? Feral and unspeaking? Chatty to the point of obnoxious? Literally does not matter. Bros are mad as freaking hatters over their babes. And while that is something that seems pretty sparse to build an entire book series on, I think that’s why it works so impressively well. It is the ultimate fantasy and why women read romance novels, the dream of radical acceptance. It’s love at it’s best, and if that happens when guys have a built-in clit-stimulator, all the better.
So I guess what I’m saying is, you definitely don’t need to read the Ice Planet Barbarians books. But they’re a quick hit of dopamine that generally delivers a consistent story of acceptance with some good sexiness involved. And if you want a way into the alien/monster romance genre, these stuck with me when nothing else has, so that’s a feat in itself. I read them, and here are my thoughts, so you don’t have to if you don’t want to. But like, maybe give them a shot? Who knows what it might open up for you?
